Stuart Yee:
The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Downright Lies

One of the most celebrated martial artists of our time, Stuart "The Dud" Yee's meteoric rise to fame is only that much more incredible considering the Herculean obstacles he has faced in the past. He was born in the impoverished chinese village of Mei You Qian. His parents had passed away several years before he was born, so he was sent to live with his uncle. Although his uncle had many fine qualities, patience, kindness and caring were not among these, and thus the family cat and donkey took on most of the child raising responsibilities. While their efforts were valiant, their lack of an opposable thumb kept them from enrolling Stuart in school, and thus much of his early education was neglected. At age 17, dissatisfied with his life of pulling carts and chasing mice, he bid farewell to Socks and Bessie, stowed away on a Carnival Cruise ship and headed for America. Arriving in New York with just $17 in his pocket, he made several highly leveraged dot-com stock buys, amassing well over $500 million within his first 2 months in America. Two months later, he lost it all in a messy divorce with Robin Givens, saving him the disgrace of going broke during the dot-com bust.

However during those brief days of opulence, he developed a liking for the martial arts. He began studying Tae Kwon Do, but after a brief 19-year stint he realized he wanted something more. One day, while hiking in Rock-Creek Park, he came to a place where a log had fallen across the stream. As he started to cross, someone came up from the opposite side and started to cross. They met in the middle. Neither refused to yield and a struggle ensued. In the rattan-impact induced coma that followed, Stuart had a vision. Beams of sunlight broke through a clouded sky. A winged figure floated down from above. It spoke in a powerful voice, quiet at first, but growing in volume. “KEEP YOUR HANDS UP!!!” When Stuart regained consciousness, he vowed to study martial arts under that sandy-haired stranger who had not only defeated him at the river crossing, but had also conveniently left a business card and a coupon for one free lesson.

Thus began Stuart’s martial arts studies under Guro Mike Krivka – instructor of many other famous martial artists, such as Thai-Bo Church, Ka-bar Jackson, Tiger Lady Yao, Ritalin Clancy, Nick “I have no cool nickname” Machnisomethingorother, and Gigantor. Although the language barrier slowed him down at first, Stuart’s learning began to increase geometrically. He soon mastered all of the systems taught at MAK, and invented several new ones. He is the recipient of the “Biu Gee in the Eye” award, the “Keylocked till He Cried” medal and the “Still Can’t Thai Kick After 8 Years” Citation. He took a brief sabbatical from his martial arts training to marry the president of his international fan club, but has since resumed training. He has earned the rank of “Eskrima Dud,” and “JAFO Extraordinaire.” He is a 4-time Super-heavyweight Vale Tudo champion, 3-time UFC winner, and won a silver medal (due to a low score from the French) in Rhythmic Gymnastics.

These days he spends his time working for the federal government, lying in ditches drinking tequila trying to get some self-respect back, writing autobiographical sketches, and continuing his training. He is also a pathological liar.